Social U.

{March 27, 2009}   Am I Obligated To Be Your Friend?

          Riding in the back seat of my friend’s car I laid my head against the backseat seatbelt, pressing it against the car door, and listened to the unnerving banter taking place all around me in the car. And there I sat,  wondering if I was going to enjoy my spring break trip with a group full of girls who I had always considered my friends, but who were not a thing like me.

          I like to be spontaneous, while they are more conservative and planner-oriented. I like to flirt, while boys are the enemy to them. And the final separating moment would be that I was once a literal Christian now turned open-minded, and they are still stuck in judgment.  

          Could I possibly be any more opposite from these girls?

          And so after deep thought and long conversations with some friends I came to the realization that I can be nice to everyone, but that does not mean that everyone is my friend.

          The people that I hang out with are the people that others are going to associate me with, and some associations I would prefer not to have.

          The difficult lesson that I had to confront within myself regarded my self-imposed obligation to care about everyone else’s feelings before my own – thus making me friends with everyone because I couldn’t turn anyone away.

          I’ve always enjoyed having many friends, but when I reflect upon the quality of friends that I’ve had over the years, not very many of them actually reflect me.

          So my advice to you is this: you’re not being wrongful to desire friendship in people that you admire. Who wants to hang out with people that they don’t see as being desirable?

          I’m not saying that friendships should be based upon superficial things like money and clothes, or even popularity. But even if a friendship was based on these things, I believe that true friendships develop between people who have similar life experiences and who want the same things, so if money and clothes were things desired then the friendship still has the potential to flourish.

          So, my question for you all would be this: how do you pick friends? And if it’s by being nice to everyone and accepting the people who (it’s sad to say) cling to you, are you happy with those friendships?


In Confidence,




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