Social U.

{April 3, 2009}   Life with a Cancer Survivor

          Can you imagine coming home, sitting on the couch after a long day (not even a long day, but a day of not seeing your family at all) to be greeted with a question about the dishes that weren’t washed the night before?

          My mother is not always the easiest person to get along with, not because she is a mean person, she just has some painful past experiences that cause rifts in my family today.

          Basically my grandfather completely destroyed any bit of happiness that was in my mother when he was left raising three girls after my grandmother died an early death. So, other than having household chores beaten into her, I don’t know what other type of relationship my mother had with her father – the only parent that she had to lean on and learn from.

          And, quite frankly, I believe that internalizing her pains has caused her to have kidney problems and ultimately cancer. And although that is sad, it is not nearly as bad as the reality of having children by her bedside in the hospital but not really having anything to talk to them about other than homework and household chores.

          I apologize if I sound overly harsh or as though I don’t love my mother, because I do. However, what I’ve realized is that life is not fair, but that doesn’t stop it from happening. Irregardless of what happens to us in life we can only take what we’re given, and what we create for ourselves, and run with it. No person in the hospital is thinking about how sorry they feel for themselves, they want to get out of there so that they can live.

            I wish my mother would think about what she knows about me and talk to me on a personal level, not as someone quick to judge, but as a mother who is capable of being a friend. Who knows? Maybe things take time and perhaps she’ll have to reach a conclusion about our relationship on her own. Either way I’ll be here waiting on her and hoping for the type of relationship that I would be proud to display for my children one day.

            So my question for you is: are you and your parents close?


In Confidence,




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